Sometimes, anxiety and eating disorders go hand in hand.

Our anxiety leads to overwhelm, and many people try to deal with that overwhelm through their food. Eating disorders can range from bingeing to extreme restriction, and you want to be sure that you’re working with someone who truly understands the impact that the ED has on your brain, body, and behaviors.

When we work with anxiety, especially with our teens and college-aged students, we want to be sure that we are assessing for eating disorders - and if they are experiencing them, we want to connect them with a specialist who understands. That’s where Laura Bumberry at Partners in Wellness comes in.

We’re so excited to have interviewed Laura on today’s blog! Please read more about her expertise, and how she incorporates families into her work below.

The final week of our winter break series is here! Join us as we dive into family traditions, forgiveness and gratitude!

Here’s your recap of all of our instagram posts for this week, all tidied up for you in one easy to find spot (and if you want to see this on insta, follow us over there @CounselingWithKelsey!)

Tip #10: Celebrate Family Traditions

You know what we love about the holiday season? All of the family traditions! Spending time with your kids and making memories can be just as fun and exciting for you as it is for them.

Whether it’s matching pjs, a pancake breakfast, or watching the same holiday movies every year, every tradition is special.

And, it's always an option to add to your family tradition repertoire. Ask your kids for suggestions for new traditions and maybe those will become fast favorites. What matters most is the time you’re spending together and the family bonding that the holiday season brings!

Winter Break! Has it started for you yet? Here are some suggestions of ways to tweak your plan and make sure that you’re comfortable dealing with the unexpected.

Here’s your recap of all of our instagram posts for this week, all tidied up for you in one easy to find spot (and if you want to see this on insta, follow us over there @CounselingWithKelsey!)

Tip 7: Set Clear Expectations

Winter break is here! Or for some families, just around the corner. Now that we're actually in it, it's a great time to review and re-set clear expectations for your kids.

Talk with them about what the liked or didn't like about winter break last year.

Re-evaluate your plan and your schedule of events.

Preemptively talk with your co-parent about how you'll handle meltdowns, fights, arguments, or anxiety outbursts in the different settings you'll be in.

Go through examples of logical consequences (you don't have a crystal ball, but you do know that types of challenges your kids normally face) and help your child come up with a plan for how to avoid the things that normally get them in trouble

And while yes, we may be doing a lot of warning, it's important to feel prepared so that you can set up winter break to be a fun time for everyone (or at least to have pockets of fun moments!)

Tip 8: Option to Opt Out

Hey, friends! Do you and your kids have a million things to do? Well, as a head's up - you always have the option to opt out. ALWAYS.

Welcome to week 2 of our 12 tips for winter break series! We’re here giving you our top tips for managing winter break at home with the kids. This week is all about emotional support - what to do and how to do it so that you don’t feel 100% overwhelmed.

Here’s your recap of all of our instagram posts for this week, all tidied up for you in one easy to find spot (and if you want to see this on insta, follow us over there @CounselingWithKelsey!)

Tip 4: Create Some Space to Chill Out

Relaxing is kind of hard to do as a parent - you need to be on top of everything. But over winter break, there are so many great opportunities to just take it down a notch and chill out. And when you take the time to relax (and take care of yourself), you’ll feel so much more ready to be calm for your kids.

As a parent you have a million things on your to do list already, so I hate to add one more… But maybe it helps to view this more as an opportunity instead of a demand! When we’re calm, our kids are easier to calm.

Even better - if you are stressed, and you take the time to acknowledge that to your children and demonstrate how you're planning to calm down, you are DIRECTLY SHOWING THEM what to do when they feel overwhelmed, too. Model what you want them to do! It'll be a huge help - we promise.

Tip 5: Relax

Ok, ok, you hear all the time from us that you need to relax. But how do you do it? Come up with your own totally customizable relaxation plan! Choose one strategy from each of the categories below and boom, you've got your plan. Let's walk you through it:

You’ll be seeing a lot of us this December! Here’s your recap of all of our instagram posts for this week, all tidied up for you in one easy to find spot (and if you want to see this on insta, follow us over there @CounselingWithKelsey!)

Winter break gives you a lot of unstructured time.

For kids and teens who run a little more anxious or overwhelmed, that unstructured time can lead to stress related behaviors. Yes, there’s a lot of fun to be had with family and presents and dinners and toys… and there’s a lot of potential for overwhelm.

When your kid is overwhelmed and acting out, it can feel like they’re ruining the holidays.

And you maybe feel bad for even thinking that… but the truth is, we put a lot of time and energy into making winter break and winter holidays fun. When things don’t go according to plan, or when we have our little one throwing a huge tantrum in front of your whole extended family, it can feel overwhelming for you as well!

How do we help with this?

We set up a framework for winter break that’s easy for everyone to follow.

Anxiety and Stress Relief for Kids and Parents:

As anxiety therapists, Compassionate Counseling St. Louis works with a lot of kids, teens, and parents on ways to best reduce their stress levels. One really cool technique for this is called EFT, which stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques. Here in St. Louis, we have a great therapist who is trained and certified in this model. I’m so excited to share Alison’s answers with you today!

Why did you choose to become a Certified EFT Practitioner in St. Louis?

I've been offering EFT services online for many years now, but was really missing having face-to-face interactions with people, so have affiliated with the St. Louis Wellness Center to offer in-person individual sessions along with group tapping classes.

What kind of treatment do you provide?

I am a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner. Emotional Freedom Techniques is usually referred to as EFT or Tapping. EFT is often called emotional acupressure. It's a highly effective form of stress relief where you use your fingers to tap on specific acupressure points on the face and the upper body to neutralize the emotional intensity associated with specific memories or events, beliefs, or fears. It's also very effective at reducing or eliminating physical symptoms since almost all pain has an emotional underpinning. EFT has now been studied a lot and more than 100 published studies show that it is at least as effective as other "gold standard" therapies including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and EMDR, and can sometimes get results more quickly. EFT quickly reduces the levels of the stress hormone cortisol, it shifts brain wave frequencies, increases heart-rate variability, decreases danger signals from the brain, and can literally change our brains so that something that was associated with a troubling emotion can be associated instead with calm. It's a true mind-body modality.

What is your fee for a 45-minute session and how is it calculated?

We work a bit differently here at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis and our process, schedule, and fees reflect that. Instead of working with dozens of kids each week in ongoing treatment, we focus on shorter term, focused work with a small group of clients.

Goal-oriented therapy:

Our goal is to get you (or your child) on track as quickly as possible with changes that maintain over time. We have a clear system for tracking progress that lets us know if we are progressing, if we are moving towards graduation, or if we need to change things up or refer out. Currently, our rates are $205 per 45-minute session. Some teens benefit from longer sessions, so we also offer a 70-minute option at times, which is at a rate of $307.50.

Yes, our fees are likely higher than you have found elsewhere.

And a big part of that is to make sure that our business can run as efficiently as possible, so that we can just focus on the kids, teens, and families we work with.

We provide specialized anxiety and anger management services, and we’re super comfortable with making sure that we’re getting you the targeted help you need - even if that means that we end up referring you out to another therapist.

Our biggest goal is helping you and your child feel better - so, our fee reflects those targeted services, the quality we provide, and all the background data analysis that goes into our counseling together.

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy

Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is based on play therapy models. It teaches parents how to work with their children in much the same way that a play therapist will build rapport and engagement. There are two components of this: Child Directed Interaction (CDI), and Parent Directed Interaction (PDI).

CDI - Learning to Become a Parent Play Therapist:

Child directed interaction is where the child leads the content of the play. This is most often what we integrate in our office as a way to build a relationship and engagement with our client.

During the CDI, or “special play time” as I often term it for kids, we play for 5 minutes. During this time, I do not take the lead at all. I let the child choose what activities they do, and the whole time, I’m engaged in the following three components:

1. Reflecting/paraphrasing the child’s speech

2. Describing the child’s behaviors

3. Specific praise of the positive behaviors seen in play

The most challenging part: not jumping in to redirect, lead the play, or make suggestions.

How we incorporate play therapy techniques for anxiety at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis:

We tailor our approach to each individual client and family we work with. That means, for some kids, we focus much more on building our anxiety and anger management skills through play.

Rather than non-directive play therapy (where therapists allow your child to free play and analyze what’s going on and themes they notice), we incorporate play in a couple of different ways.

Today, we’re talking Theraplay. In our next blog, we’ll be exploring Restorative Play. And in the following post, we’ll talk more about PCIT.

What is Theraplay?

Theraplay is a research-based type of play therapy that is focused on four main components: structure, engagement, nurture, and challenge. Per the Theraplay institute, Theraplay is “child and family therapy for building and enhancing attachment, self-esteem, trust in others, and joyful engagement.”

Every year, without failure, there are two time periods when our phones are ringing off the hook. Octoberish and Aprilish - aka parent teacher conference time.

Here we are, getting near the end of October, and once again, Compassionate Counseling is getting busy.

So, I thought we’d share a few suggestions with you, our parents, about that time of the year where you think everything is going great… and then you go “oh no.”

Because while you may think you know exactly how your child is doing at school, not every parent does. And there are a few suggestions that we can pass along to help you from feeling blindsided at parent teacher conferences. So, get ready for our suggestions on emailing teachers (ask these 3 specific questions!), talking with your kids, and making sure your emotions don’t get the best of you.

Why is an anxiety specialist talking time management?

Unsurprisingly, college students with anxiety really need help when it comes to time management. Often, they flip from task to task, and quickly become overwhelmed with trying to do everything at the same time. Or, they start to procrastinate because they don’t want to engage in this anxiety-provoking task.

Procrastination and avoidance are okay.

In fact, they’re totally normal! It’s just your body and brain’s way of trying to take care of you.

The problem is, procrastination can get really out of hand, really quickly. It can cause you to miss simple assignments and doubt your preparedness for college and the real world.

That’s why today we’re talking:

3 Top Tips for College Time Management

Should my child meet with a child psychologist?

Different children have different needs when it comes to meeting with a psychologist vs. a psychiatrist vs. a therapist or counselor. I reached out to my colleague Dr. Kezia Coleman, and she graciously shared information on her practice here in St. Louis.

As a psychologist, Kezia provides both psychological testing (to official diagnose you or your child with what is going on from a psychological perspective), educational testing (to provide an educational diagnosis that is used when creating IEP’s or school behavioral intervention plans), along with providing clinical therapy to select families.

Why did you choose to become a psychologist in St. Louis?

I have wanted to be a psychologist since I took AP Psychology in high school! Yes, I wanted to help people (cliché, I know), but I also enjoy supporting people as they navigate difficult situations and events; life is difficult, and I know I would not be where I am today without help! I decided to stay in St. Louis after completing a yearlong postdoctoral fellowship through UMSL, after falling in love with the STL diversity, people, and food!

What kind of treatment do you provide? 

I provide comprehensive psychological and educational assessments for children and young adults. I also provide individual and family therapy, generally using a cognitive-behavioral approach.

We all know mental health and physical health go hand in hand.

They’re totally linked together. And on the mental health side, I see a wide range of how diet and eating can interact with child, adolescent, and young adult anxiety and anger management. Some kids come in with picky eating that’s anxiety driven. Some teens I work with find that controlling their food feels like a way to control their perfectionism - and, of course, it’s an unhealthy coping tool.

That’s why I’m so excited to have interviewed Shannon, a nutrition counselor here in St. Louis.

Shannon works with teens and adults to help them build healthier approaches to eating and diet and body image. She understands that anxiety and eating go hand in hand (which is why we recommend teens and adults with disordered eating meet with a nutritionist and a therapist at the same time!) And I love how passionate she is about teaching people how to make real, healthy choices in their lives.

Learn more about Shannon below!

What ages do you work with?

I work with adolescents to adults. I am very passionate about helping late adolescence/teenagers to feel good about their body and to teach them all the wisdom that it holds. Around 10 years old, there can be more questioning about body, even though this can happen earlier. It’s so important to set the stage early, on what it means to take care of your body in a way that isn’t diet language (ie don’t eat sugar, you shouldn’t have carbs, no junk food) and to teach kids to listen to their body when its hungry, when its full, when it doesn’t feel well after eating a certain food or amount of food. All of it is data that their body is giving them.

It is also helping the child feel good about their body, especially if they are in a larger body. We come in all shapes and sizes, even though we are told the only acceptable size is thin. With society and maybe the messages at home, a child in a larger body may feel that their body is not okay and is “wrong.” It is bringing it back to educating about the body during adolescence and the pubescent cycle and honoring their body by taking good care of it, instead of punishing it for what it must naturally do.

Deciding on your college and figuring out how to apply in the first place can be STRESSFUL.

It causes a bunch of anxiety in the many, many highschoolers and college-aged students I work with. And while I’ve written on How to Prepare Your Anxious Highschooler for College and Parenting Your Anxious College Student, sometimes you need really specific information and to do lists from someone who does more than just the emotional/stress management side of college. That’s where Joann comes in!

I’m so excited to share our interview below! Joann also has one book out and another on the way, helping to walk parents and teens through the whole college application process (links below).

Joann: I provide college counseling for teens who are trying to navigate the college admissions process. 

I work with helping them identify colleges and/or majors that may be a potential fit, brainstorming the essay, creating an activity list/resume, completing the Common App, organizational skills, help with scholarships, interviewing, talking about their fears and concerns, answering questions, and whatever else comes with the college process. 

Kelsey: Could you talk a little about your approach and how you modify it when working with teens who have anxiety/perfectionism/stress/anger management?

Joann: The interesting thing about what I do is that nearly everyone has stress about the college process, not just those with diagnoses.  It might be the idea of leaving home and the fear it invokes or it might be just being anxious about getting it all done and making a good decision.  For people who have anxiety or perfectionism issues, though, college counseling can be especially helpful because we can separate fact from fiction and ‘urban legend’. Knowledge is powerful and knowing when to ask for help is a sign of intelligence!  Being able to ask questions freely is a great help to reducing students’ stress. For the anxious student, breaking down the steps into manageable baby steps has proven very stress-relieving as well! Being able to talk in a safe environment away from the school day where students can voice their opinions, fears, and concerns reduces stress and anxiety.  They are in a place where they can be their true selves.  Meeting regularly can help keep the student on track and not get off-course further reducing stress.

Here we are, less than a month out from the new school year, and you’re worried that you’re going to have to go through the homework struggle… all over again.

You’re hoping this year will be different. You worked so hard, collaborating with your child's teacher, and finally had a good system... by April. And now you’re worried that you’re going to start up all over again at ground zero.

But it doesn’t have to be like this! Read below for a few tips on getting your child to actually do their homework.

What do you do?

I encourage parents to have a conversation with their kids about why the homework isn’t happening. Are they stressed out about it? They wanted it to be perfect? Do they hate school or classmates or their teacher? Whatever is underneath the homework avoidance will inform your approach to it.

Prevention is key:

Try to have these conversations and come up with a plan BEFORE the homework really starts to pile up. Schedule an initial meeting with your teacher to talk through the struggles last year, and proactively come up with a plan and when you’ll be checking on it this upcoming school year.

Substance Use/Abuse/Dependency and anxiety often go hand in hand.

Sometimes, teens and adults with anxiety try to self-medicate with substances. Other times, your substance dependency can lead to significant stress and anxiety. Whether anxiety has led to your abuse or vice versa, it’s crucial to work with a therapist trained in substance use. This is where Maddie Leitner, MSW, LCSW comes in.

Similar to my passion for working with anxiety and perfectionism for kids, teens, and college students, Maddie focuses her work on two areas she’s passionate about: substance use and anxiety, and the link between the two. It was a pleasure to interview her, and i’m so excited for you to learn more about her work!

When you’re looking for help with your or your child’s anxiety or OCD, you want a specialist - not just someone who is ok working with it.

That’s why I’m so excited to have interviewed Angela Adamson, a fellow anxiety specialist located here in St. Louis.

“One of the most effective skills for treating anxiety is doing exposures. Exposures are how we test out beliefs. I work with you and your child to develop a step-by-step, achievable plan to test out fears. When we face our fears while using cognitive tools, we can rewire the way our brain processes anxiety. Over time, when people change both their thoughts and behaviors around anxiety, the symptoms of anxiety start to decrease.“

What do you wish people knew about getting treatment for anxiety disorders?

I wish people knew how treatable anxiety disorders are when you have the right skills. It's not easy, but it is absolutely treatable. I also wish more people knew how strong they really are EVEN when they feel anxiety.

Our brains are in charge of everything we do. We take in information, and we send that information where it needs to go.

Every brain has both a relay center, and amygdala, and a pre-frontal cortex. In BrainWise, we say that your emotional response (the fight/flight/freeze response) is driven by your Lizard Brain. Your pre-frontal cortex, which helps you to stop and think, is your Wizard Brain.

The BrainWise curriculum was designed to help kids build social and emotional control and self-regulation skills. When I previously worked in the Saint Louis Counseling School Partnership Program, I received training in this program, and still use components of it in my practice today. To be clear, I’m not TECHNICALLY providing brainwise as I’m not maintaining really strict fidelity with the model. I have a whole walkthrough on the modules in an earlier post. This week, I want to walk you through how I introduce the model in my individual work with angry and anxious kids.

I strongly encourage parents, teachers or therapists to consider buying the BrainWise curriculum if these seem like helpful tools.