How to Help Anxious and Angry Kids Feel Safe in Child Therapy: Insights from Compassionate Counseling St. Louis
At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, we specialize in helping kids, teens, and young adults work through anxiety, anger, and trauma through in-person counseling and online therapy. One area that our team focuses on is supporting kids who experience what I call anxiety-driven anger.
What Is Anxiety-Driven Anger?
Anxiety-driven anger happens when a child’s anxiety becomes so overwhelming that it triggers a fight, flight, or freeze response. For some kids and teens, the "fight" response shows up as anger. These kids often appear outwardly angry, but inside, they are actually feeling anxious, stressed, and out of control.
Why Boundaries Matter for Kids with Anxiety-Driven Anger
When working with anxious and angry kids, setting clear, consistent boundaries is a game-changer. Boundaries provide structure, predictability, and safety, which are key to helping kids feel secure. Kids thrive when they know what to expect and when they feel safe within the boundaries you've set.
Image Credit: Unsplash Conner Baker @connerbaker
(Read more: Why Boundaries Matter for Anxious Kids: Advice from St. Louis Anxiety Therapist Kelsey Torgerson Dunn)
Here’s why boundaries work so well:
Predictability and Safety: Boundaries create a sense of predictability, which helps reduce anxiety. Knowing what to expect allows kids to feel safe and secure.
Emotional Regulation: Setting boundaries helps kids learn how to regulate their emotions. They start to recognize their feelings and manage them more effectively.
Consistency: Staying consistent with boundaries helps kids feel safe and reduces the chance of them testing limits to see how far they can push.
Strategies for Setting Boundaries and Staying Calm as Child Therapists in St. Louis
It’s completely normal for kids to push back against boundaries, especially if they’re anxious or angry. That’s where it becomes important to stay calm and consistent as a parent or caregiver. Here are some practical steps to stay grounded:
Observe Your Own Emotions: Before responding, check in with yourself. What are you feeling? Are you angry? Or anxious? Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. Start with a deep breath so that you can stay calm and model emotional regulation for your child.
Use Coping Skills: Just like we teach kids coping skills to manage their emotions, it’s essential to practice those skills ourselves. Whether it’s taking a break, doing some deep breathing, or stepping away for a moment, taking care of yourself helps you remain consistent.
Be Consistent: Stick to the boundaries you set. Kids will test limits, but if you remain consistent, they’ll start to understand that boundaries are non-negotiable, which reduces anxiety in the long run.
Make It a Team Effort: If your child is in therapy, we work together as a team to ensure they understand and follow boundaries. Regular check-ins with parents, setting clear expectations, and offering choice when possible can create a more positive, collaborative experience for everyone involved.
Parents Need Support Too
When you have a child who is struggling with anxiety or anxiety driven anger, you can often feel at a loss. Child therapy makes a big impact on kids - and parents need support, too, which is why we offer Therapeutic Parent Coaching at Compassionate Counseling St. Louis.
Why Unconditional Positive Regard Is Key
At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, we also focus on providing unconditional positive regard. This means we accept your child as they are, no matter what. We never label kids as "bad" or "good," but instead focus on understanding and addressing their emotions and behaviors. This approach fosters trust, helps build self-esteem, and allows kids to feel heard and valued.
Here’s What You Can Expect in Therapy
During therapy sessions, we structure our time together to support your child’s emotional growth. Our approach includes:
Checking in with parents: The first part of each session often involves connecting with parents to understand any concerns and discuss progress.
Client check-in: Kids and teens participate in a quick check-in to reflect on how they’re feeling, which helps us track their progress.
Therapeutic activities: Depending on your child’s needs, this could include CBT, relaxation techniques, reading, art, or games to teach coping skills.
Ending on a positive note: We offer your child choices for the final moments of the session, like picking a game or creative activity, to foster a sense of empowerment.
Ready to Help Your Child Feel Safe and Supported?
If you’re ready to get your child the help they need with anxiety, anger, or emotional regulation, we’re here for you. At Compassionate Counseling St. Louis, we create a safe, compassionate space where your child can learn to manage their emotions and thrive.
Contact us today to schedule an appointment and take the first step toward positive change for your child!
Curious to learn more about parent coaching, anxiety and anxiety-driven anger? Reach out to us at hello@compassionatecounselingstl.com. As child anxiety experts, we love working with kids, teens, college students and parents to help manage their anxiety, stress, and anger. Compassionate Counseling St. Louis is located in Clayton, MO and works with families by offering both in-person counseling and online therapy throughout St. Louis, Creve Couer, Ballwin, Town and Country, Brentwood, and Ladue. We also provide online therapy Missouri -wide to teens and college students. You can set up your first free consult on this website, on our consultation page.
